i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
