i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
