I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
