I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
