sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
