its not stalking. its research.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
