This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
