overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
