I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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