you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
