Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
