So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
