my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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