do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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