just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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