me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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