What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Randomize
