had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
