Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
