True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
