you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
