I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do vagina's smell?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
