ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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