That's intense
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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