mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
