I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
