The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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