What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
