Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
