You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
