omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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