What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
