I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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