Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize