I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
