one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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