I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize