i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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