almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
