you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
