is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
