update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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