i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
