my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
