This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
