i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
