All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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