Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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