i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Randomize
