I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
