it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
