Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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