somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
