if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
