Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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