The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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