Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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