dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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