craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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