OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
