I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
