Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
