why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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