YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
