Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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