You just made me feel so damn special
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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