Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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