so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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