I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
