I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
