Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
