no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
