hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
