Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
