do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
