I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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