I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
