Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
