A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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