You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found your dick twin last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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