It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
