Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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