new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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