Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
