I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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