you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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