Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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