and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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