Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
its liver damage thursday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
