i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
