I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
