Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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