So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
