he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
