Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
