So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
