I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
