Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
