Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
