My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
