She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
