My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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