Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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