So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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