Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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