Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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