I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize