Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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