That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
