I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
