Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I AM VODKA MAN
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
