and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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