she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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