i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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