If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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