my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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