The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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