today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I deserve this hangover.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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