i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize