dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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