She's JV to your varsity
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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