I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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