He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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