My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
