stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
